// cleansing complete

Remote Aura Cleansing

Your aura has been cleansed. A certified practitioner used proprietary remote techniques developed over several minutes of research. The blockages have been addressed. We cannot confirm what your aura looked like before. We cannot confirm what it looks like now.

// CLEANSING LOG

[21:47:31.764] Aura located remotely. Approximate coordinates: your general vicinity.

[21:47:32.764] Blockages identified. Nature: unspecified. Severity: undetermined. Treatment: initiated.

[21:47:33.764] Proprietary cleansing techniques applied. Duration: thorough. Method: undisclosed.

[21:47:34.764] Cleansing complete. Results: immediate. Verifiability: none. Tingling: possible.

Certificate of Cleansing

This certifies that a remote aura cleansing was performed on this day by a certified practitioner. Results are immediate and permanent, or temporary, or neither. Side effects may vary. If it still tingles after a week, see your doctor. We are not doctors.

Practitioner: certified.
Aura: addressed.
Blockages: resolved (unverified).
Guarantee: none offered, none implied.

Your aura is cleaner than it was. Probably. We have no way to check. If it still tingles after a week, see your doctor. We cannot stress this enough.

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